Saying Goodbye

Many of you will have seen me riding my horse around Henfield up until last October. I always thought that my old horse Tally would leave this world before me. But it turns out that I will be gone long before him. Tally is still full of beans and I have got the summer. I want to share this blog with all those lovely people in Henfield who smiled when I rode past. I originally wrote the piece for a private horse facebook group and published it on my blog back in early April. It has also been up on Linkedin where it has had some interesting comments.

I am 73 and Tally is 28 years old. We have been together for 23 years. We both love hacking out enjoying the Sussex Downs, taking in the views. Apart from when I was working away I would see him every day over those years. I have three children and eight grandchildren but if I am absolutely honest I have always seen more of Tally. Where’s mum? – Oh she’s up at the paddocks!! But that led to other benefits where dogs, children, grandchildren came up to the paddocks, helped out with chores, fed the goats, and played with Freddie, Tally’s miniature Shetland companion. 

Then I lost my paddocks last March (access issues) and had two months to find somewhere else. I made a terrible mistake and ended up on a hellish, hole of a private yard - a farm. Just me, the woman and her husband, their horses and Tally and Freddie. They didn’t like people coming up so I was left with no help. My health was getting worse and last October I had to stop riding Tally as I couldn’t even lift the saddle onto his back. Despite this the owner insisted that I had to do full muck out each day and lift the rubber mats. 

Believe me I am no victim!! I am your usual feisty horse woman but pain was taking over and I couldn’t think straight. I was constantly worried about Tally and Freddie and had nightmares about their welfare. I am going to say little about the yard, the treatment of the people’s own horses, or mine. It doesn’t help. 

 At the end of January I knew that I had to find a retirement home for Tally and rehome Freddie. I have had Freddie for five years since he was two. He hadn’t even worn a headcollar until I got him. I have done ground work, harness training, saddle and bridle so the grandkids can ride. He is the sweetest most lovable, rascally little pony and deserves good treatment. Here’s a link to a video Freddie in 2021 when he was in training, sleek, slim, walking out beautifully. 

By Christmas 2023 Freddie had painful laminitis!! I had fought long and hard to prevent the woman from letting Freddie out on the too rich grass. I had thought that he would be on the large sparse yard with another Shetland. I even got my vet and farrier involved but to no avail. I was devastated and heartbroken. 

That night I had a dream – I was on the hellish yard, my horses were in distress and I suddenly noticed that that my arm was bleeding onto the yard. Pools of blood. That’s when I knew I had to get out, find a retirement home for Tally. He was the only sound horse on the yard by that time. I will write in another message about Freddie – a whole other story. Jenny made everything so smooth and easy moving Tally. Thank you Jenny so much. Then Tally was happy in his retirement home and for the first time in 23 years I stopped worrying about him. 

Some good news and real kindness in the midst of the horror. 

I moved the horses just in time. I knew that there was something was wrong with me, but our NHS system is under pressure at the moment. So as I was looked on as an active older woman and told to take the strong, painkillers and keep moving!! It’s bone cancer linked to breast cancer. I won’t write any more about that. 

Now onto more important matters – with apologies to those who may be religious. Dying makes life so very easy. The funeral is a no-brainer. Direct funeral, ashes buried by a post on top of the Downs, my pony pals and close family know where. Then Tally can join me later at his leisure. The spot on the Sussex Downs looks across the valley to the different villages where I, my family and friends live. Then there can even be a bit of ancestor worship when my family come to visit me to ask for advice 

Another important point about this place on the Downs; it is the best riding country. The gallops and fun that we have had up there. Wow!!! 

I am going to try to visit Tally next week. If you see the ‘about me’ you know I am a psychologist and have an abiding interest in animal and human behaviour. I have written a blog of my ponderings from 2009. I am not sure that Tally knows yet about me. He hasn’t stood close to me for a while. But I am sure that you would all agree that he would be able to sense the changes in my body if he did come close. 

So here is my plan. Tally is a stressy horse even at 28 years old so you can never be sure how exactly he will react. He is in a field with his new best friend Wally and they are fine together. So as long as he can stay near Wally he will be relaxed hopefully. My friend can put the headcollar on Tally and let him come close to me. I predict one of three behaviours: 1. Tally will get stressed anyway 2. Tally will react to me by squealing and striking out, you never know, it wouldn’t be personal but I know my horse 3. This is the one I am hoping for – Tally will put his head close to mine and know. We had such a long relationship but he is not an overly affectionate horse. I still know that he loves me. There have been times when we have been doing some horse whispering when he has made me feel so humble. 

On 22nd April I went toTally's retirement home to say goodbye to him. It was a magical experience. I was able to communicate with him and he understood. Can you see the way that he is licking at the end of the video? A sure sign that Tally is learning. Here's the video:

Saying Goodbye to Tally

The story about Freddie’s welfare is not as good. Physically I can do nothing. The woman went and got Freddie from where I had rehomed him. Freddie is now back on the yard where there are fields of lush grass. As any horse owner knows a native pony should not be turned out on rich grass. 

But this woman has turned Freddie out on lush grass before and I worry that she will do it again. I was hoping that I could get Freddie back and rehome him. But I don't have the strength or anywhere for Freddie to go. So all I can do is let people know that I am worried. If you have watched any of the training videos you will know that Freddie is a fabulous little pony and worth so much more. He deserves a better life - not to be left with a woman who seems to understand so little about pain and suffering. 

MEET THE RESIDENTS

This blog is about the day to day stories of Tally the horse, Freddie the Shetland pony, and three goats (Hurst, Pierre and Point) who live together on a smallholding in West Sussex, UK. The stories will be interspersed with ideas from books that are relevant to the animal’s behaviour. My research interest is in social influence in humans and animals. 

TALLY

Tally, my 27 year old horse, and I have been together for 22 years. After 17 years of livery yards, I promised Tally that in his later years he would have the freedom to live out 24/7 in a peaceful but interesting environment. Five years ago (2018) I moved Tally to a delightful smallholding where he has his own shelter and fields to roam. There was only one problem – he only had goats and sheep to keep him company. Horses are social animals and generally like to hang out with other horses.

I bought Acrobat Talon (Tally) as a four year old. Some observations on his early life and behaviour are included in my ‘straight from the horses mind’ blog. 

Tally has radically changed colour since he first came to me as an

iron grey four year old and he is now almost pure white.We still call both colours grey! To a certain extent you can guess the approximate age of greys by the colour of their coat.

 Tally’s grandsire, Kalaglow, looks like he is about eight years old in the painting of him. 

Here is Tally at eight years old.

I still ride Tally across the surrounding fields, woods, rivers and South Downs of West Sussex. Our combined age is 99 years but I am by no means the oldest rider in the area!

FREDDIE

Freddie is a chestnut Shetland pony with a flaxen mane and tail. He will be 7 years old on April 16^th 2023. The picture shows him engaging in his favourite activity – eating! He was supposed to be playing with the black ball.

Freddie came to the smallholding in September 2018 from a farm shop where he lived with other Shetland ponies. He had not been handled and had never worn a head-collar. In order to get him to our smallholding he needed to be led a mile across country. We achieved this by leading Tally over to the farm and then Freddie followed Tally all the way back to his new home.

Here is Freddie being led along the lane near the smallholding by my eleven year old granddaughter. I have had lots of guidance from another smallholder who is an expert with Shetlands. You will notice he is leading from the shoulder – walking beside my granddaughter rather than being pulled along. This is important for when he has someone on his back.

As soon as Freddie arrived Tally settled down with his new companion and became less anxious. It is not natural for a horse to live a solitary life; horses are herd animals and their sense of security is achieved through close contact with other horses. Despite their difference in size Tally and Freddie still manage to groom each other – a natural and affiliative behaviour in horses. 

Freddie has a lovely nature and has become popular with all visitors to the smallholding. In the year he has been with us he has readily accepted a head collar, had a saddle on his back, is lunged every day and knows the commands for walk, trot, and stand. Freddie has also accepted a rubber bit in his mouth.

Meet Jumble

So the next step is to combine all this and put a small child on his back. But before that we need to try him with a large teddy bear (Jumble) on his back – a lot safer! 

PIERRE, HURST AND POINT

The three pygmy goats were residents of the smallholding long before Tally and I arrived in the early spring of 2018. The goats had been part of a petting zoo at a nearby school but they proved to be too scary for the children. The environment at the school was also less than stimulating for the goats, consisting of an enclosure with no hedges, climbable items or platforms. 

Here is their current environment complete with climbing frame, rocks, old trees, platforms and two shelters – goats do not like the rain!

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Goats are highly intelligent, very capable of escaping, and thoroughly enjoyable to have around.

Point (Mr. Greedy!)

Point is the greedy one and will readily butt the other two out of his way if there is food around.

Hurst (the adventurer!)

Hurst is the most timid but also the most intelligent one and is always finding new ways to get out of his enclosure and explore. Pierre is the most delicate of the three and can easily get stressed by things. All three have a great aversion to having their feet trimmed. Dear little Pierre died peacefully on 6th March 2023. He was definitely old as he had started to lose some teeth. This winter I had started to feed all three goats with sugar beet mixed with some hifi rather than their pygymy goats mix (which is harder to chew). 

Why the 'Inadvertent Smallholder'?

There were already other residents on the smallholding when Tally and I arrived early in 2018 – Hurst, Pierre and Point (the pygmy goats), two Nubian goats and six sheep. So although Tally didn’t have another horse to keep him company he had five goats in an adjacent field and six sheep in with him.

The owner made us very welcome and I thought we had found a haven in our later years. Sadly and unexpectedly, the lovely owner died within three months of Tally moving to the smallholding. The two Nubian goats went to an animal sanctuary (Nubian goats can jump over very high fences!) and the sheep went back to their owner. The widower asked me to take care of the place and of the three pygmy goats. Essentially, he said to treat the smallholding as my own.

My plan was to give my veteran horse a happy home in his later years. Inadvertently I became a smallholder with all the responsibilities inherent in that role e.g. fencing (more about that later). It was a steep learning curve!

Horses and goats socialising across the fence

A local farmer came up to show me how to trim the goats’ feet (another learning curve). The farmer had a small herd of miniature Shetland ponies and I asked him if he had one to spare? I needed a companion for Tally who no longer had the sheep to keep him company. This is how Freddie the Shetland pony ended up joining us on the smallholding.

I have discovered that fellow smallholders and farmers are incredibly kind and generous. More about that later.

Emotions in horses and humans

There is plenty of research to show that horses not only show emotion but are sensitive to emotions in humans. Are horses also sensitive to emotion and pain in other species? And does this influence the horse’s behaviour?

In this blog I will be focusing on empathy, sympathy, fear and disgust. Some writers contrast the terms sympathy and empathy whilst others use the terms interchangeably. I tend to get confused with these two terms. These definitions may help.

Empathy: Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Being close to experiencing another’s feelings, perceptions and thoughts. Empathy does not necessarily mean that you help a person in distress.

Sympathy: Feeling concern or compassion for another which may lead to trying to help. Sharing and responding to the concerns and feelings of others.

Some people have ways of describing and explaining animal behaviour that just make joyful sense. In his book ‘Are we smart enough to know how smart animals are?’ Frans de Waal challenges our notions of the difference between us and non-human animals. He argues that in order to take an animal’s perspective we need to enter their Umwelt – that is, we need to try to see the world the way that a specific animal sees it. We can try.

Horses are prey animals; they have large ears, nostrils that inflate and eyes on the side of their heads. They also have extremely powerful legs ready to be galvanised for flight. These evolutionary moulded characteristics aid a horse’s survival. Inevitably, a horse’s or pony’s response to the environment is very different to ours. See my ‘straight from the horses mind’ blog for a discussion of spooking at new aspects of the environment. It makes good evolutionary sense for horses to be wary of anything unfamiliar in their environment as it may be an indicator of a predator close by.

Fear and Spooking

Here’s an interesting example of Tally and Freddie responding to an unfamiliar visitor in their environment – Jumble the teddy. I bought Jumble at a village jumble sale. He will be ideal for desensitising Freddie to having someone on his back before a child is put in the saddle. But first Freddie needs to get used to jumble.

1. Freddie getting ready for flight 4. Freddie getting closer to Jumble

2. Still wary 5. Getting braver

3. Approaching warily 6. Getting really acquainted

 You can see from Freddie’s posture when he first meets Jumble the Teddy that he is ready for flight. Those front legs are ready to push off and take him further away at the first signs of threat. However, Freddie is a confident little pony and is soon approaching and engaging with Jumble. But note the angle from which I am taking the photos – Freddie was more willing to approach when I was standing close to Jumble. 

Tally was introduced to Jumble after he had seen Freddie interacting with the Teddy.

Tally meets Jumble

Tally gets acquainted

You can see that Tally is wary (ears pricked far forward) but his body is not quite as ‘ready for flight’ as Freddie’s at first introduction. Is this because Tally has watched Freddie and been reassured that there is nothing to be scared of?

Do horses experience disgust?

As I ride Tally across fields and through woods I often think about his response to his environment. Sometimes he spooks at, what to my eyes is, nothing. But a horse’s sense of the world is so different to ours – his spook might be entirely the most adaptive behaviour. I have belatedly spotted road kill at the side of the road where Tally has been spooky (e.g dead badger). An aversive fear response to blood and dead flesh makes lots of sense for a horse (would we call it disgust?). Human’s disgust response is also to move away from bad smells, accompanied by a facial expression that scrunches up our eyes, firmly closes our mouth and effectively makes our nasal passages as tight as possible. This facial expression is adaptive and communicative – keeps noxious substances from entering our body whilst at the same time letting others know that there is something aversive. Now here is a story that contradicts my musings on disgust and aversion. It’s hard to be smart enough to understand animals!

A Story: Freddie and the Pigeon

A few days ago I heard a loud bump in the smallholding carpark. As I walked in the direction of the noise I saw a pigeon struggling on the ground with another similar sized bird on top of it. Not mating birds, unfortunately. A small bird of prey had taken the pigeon on the wing and was proceeding to eat/peck it to death. The bird of prey flew off as I walked towards the carpark. The pigeon was not moving so I walked away leaving the bird to return to its prey.

Sympathy or Empathy Across Species?

Soon afterwards my son arrived for a visit with my 8 year old grandson. I quickly checked the carpark and the pigeon had disappeared. My grandson got out of the car and pointed, excitedly, “Oh look there’s a pigeon in the field!” The poor pigeon had been carried by the bird of prey into the horses’ field and was struggling upside down. To make matters worse, Freddie, the Shetland pony, had decided to investigate. The very badly injured pigeon was struggling and writhing – Freddie went slowly towards it and gently nudged it. I was making my way to the entrance to the field so that I could pick up the pigeon when I hear my grandson shouting “He’s licking it!” Horses are usually frightened by the smell blood and dead animals. Who knows what was going on in Freddie’s head? But he is one of the sweetest, gentlest little ponies I have ever come across so I like to think that he cared about that poor pigeon.

This episode with Freddie put in mind of the gorilla, Binti Jua, who saved the 3 year old boy who had fallen into her enclosure. 

Human Sympathy or Empathy for others?

Now to the human reaction to the pigeon’s pain. I picked up the pigeon and carried it out of the field. It was very badly injured with one wing hanging off. It was close to death but obviously still in pain. There was only one decision – I had to put it out of its misery. But there was resistance. My grandson shrieked “You can’t kill the pigeon!” His father and I carefully explained why it would be better to kill. And it needed to be done swiftly as the pigeon was in agony. Eventually my grandson agreed and we told him that he didn’t need to watch. No, he wanted to watch. Then my grandson (helped by dad) carefully dug a grave for the pigeon which he buried with a wildflower. Then we put the obligatory large stone container on top of the grave – to make sure a fox didn’t dig it up!

Questions: Do humans need to be taught empathy (understanding that another creature is feeling pain)? Do animals instinctively feel another creature’s pain? Is this sympathy or empathy? Was I overestimating Freddie’s empathetic (or sympathetic) actions?  

Freddie Goes AWOL: Sometimes you have to give up on your dreams

Dear Freddie, our miniature Shetland pony, experienced a bit of drama in his life recently Up until the events I am about to describe I had high hopes of Freddie pulling a little carriage up Furners Lane.

Freddie is now nearly six years old and he came to join us at Two Hoots Paddocks in September 2018 when he was two. The idea was that he would be a companion for Tally my old horse who is now 26 years old. This worked better than I expected as Tally was completely besotted with Freddie - so much so that whenever Freddie was taken away from the paddocks even for a short space of time Tally would get quite upset. 

We tried to solve this problem by getting another Shetland to keep Tally company while Freddie went out to do some carriage training.  Buddy (the black Shetland) came to join us in December 2020 but sadly it didn't solve the problem as Tally still got upset when Freddie left the paddocks. Here are Tally, Buddy and Freddie chilling out in August 2021.

 Tally got on okay with Buddy as can be seen from them grooming each other. But Freddie was still  the main focus of Tally's attention. So Buddy went back home and Tally and Freddie continued as always with Tally fussing and whinnying every time Freddie went out for his training. But usually Tally would calm down and had stopped whinnying by the time Freddie and I returned from our outing.

One day in January 2022 I took Freddie down the lane on long reins for training. His carriage had arrived and we were looking forward to harnessing him to it during the next few months. Freddie was behaving very well and would walk quietly past lorries and cars without hesitation. I had high hopes that before much longer Freddie would be trotting gaily down our country lane with his little carriage.

But on this fateful day in January everything fell apart. Freddie walked willingly along the lane ahead of me on long rein. He was happy to be going out - Tally was less happy being left behind. Freddie walked past some men who were putting in gate posts and I stopped him to have a look at what was going on. It is always good to desensitize a pony to any loud noises. We could hear Tally whinnying once in a while from the paddocks but he didn't sound too upset. Freddie had started to walk past the men banging in the gate posts when we saw a lorry coming towards us from the top of the hill. This is when things started to unravel. 

I turned Freddie around to go back down the hill, out of the way of the lorry. But just at that moment the men with the gate posts started to make loud, explosive noises as they banged in the posts. Freddie was too frightened of these sudden noises to walk back down the hill but the lorry was slowly driving towards us from behind. Poor Freddie had held it together as long as he could then he just panicked! There is no holding a strong little Shetland pony when they bolt and this is what Freddie did. He shot up the steep bank at the side of the track, climbed high and then disappeared behind the lorry. 

I set off in pursuit and as I ran past the lorry the driver asked 'Everything okay luv?' 'NO!!' I shrieked. It seems because of Freddie's small size lorry drivers tend to see him as some sort of dog. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. Freddie is a prey animal not a predator like a dog he will spook and run if something scares him and this is just what he did.

Tally heard the commotion as Freddie was whinnying as he galloped across the field by the lane. Tally then started whinnying hysterically and galloping round and round the field. I could see Freddie racing across the wide open field with his long reins flapping and knew that he was terrified. I couldn't catch up with him so phoned a few people for help to cut him off before he reached the main road. I then went searching. A dog walker was certain that she had seen Freddie in a field with some other horses. I headed towards the field. And there was Freddie. No two Freddies! No three Freddies! And none of these 'Freddie look alikes' had any harness on. I was confused then realised that these three ponies almost identical to Freddie were his brothers and sisters from his old home. 

I pressed on still looking for Freddie and came to a field with two horses who were obviously fascinated by something by the fence on the far side of the field. I was sure that this was Freddie and hurried  over. But by the time I got there Freddie had disappeared. Then I was phoned with some news - Freddie was trotting down the A281 towards the roundabout and Henfield High Street! The next news was better - a sensible horse person had managed to catch Freddie and someone offered me a lift to where he was being held. Freddie was over on the North side of Henfield Common and safe. His long reins had been tied up so he hadn't got entangled in them. 

I started leading Freddie towards home. He seemed quite calm - probably relieved to be with someone familiar. I was just about to cross the A281 with Freddie when a man stopped us to tell me that he had caught Freddie earlier (when the two horses were standing by the fence), he told me that he had tied up Freddie's long reins and then "I just let him go again as there was no-one around"!! This was just as I was walking across the fields towards Freddie. Thank goodness Freddie wasn't hurt or even killed on that fast A281 - the speed limit there was 50 miles per hour! This man having told me about letting Freddie go again then looked at me expectantly. I was speechless - surely he wasn't waiting to be thanked?

The whole incident with Freddie was really unfortunate on many levels. Dear neurotic old Tally was besides himself when we arrived back at the paddocks; he was more sweated up than Freddie. Since that day Tally cannot bear for Freddie to be out of his sight for even a second. The incident with the lorry made me realise that my dream of driving little Freddie with his lovely new carriage down Furners Lane is shattered! If we had been driving that day, Freddie would definitely have overturned the carriage. In the year since I started training Freddie the number of lorries on Furners Lane has increased exponentially - I cannot guarantee that Freddie won't meet a lorry on the narrow lane where we have no space to turn round. 

Freddie will be doing something in the coming year - he still has his saddle perhaps he can get used to carrying children on his back. And he can still enjoy going round obstacle courses on long rein. Another thought is that I may take him out by leading him while I ride Tally. This is a possibility if the lorry drivers we meet can behave in a responsible way; they generally do when I am riding Tally as he is a lot bigger than Freddie! 

Sometimes with horses (and ponies) you just have to accept that something is not going to happen. I do believe that Freddie would have enjoyed trotting down quiet country lanes pulling his little carriage but his safety will always come first so I am giving up on that particular dream.