Saying Goodbye

Many of you will have seen me riding my horse around Henfield up until last October. I always thought that my old horse Tally would leave this world before me. But it turns out that I will be gone long before him. Tally is still full of beans and I have got the summer. I want to share this blog with all those lovely people in Henfield who smiled when I rode past. I originally wrote the piece for a private horse facebook group and published it on my blog back in early April. It has also been up on Linkedin where it has had some interesting comments.

I am 73 and Tally is 28 years old. We have been together for 23 years. We both love hacking out enjoying the Sussex Downs, taking in the views. Apart from when I was working away I would see him every day over those years. I have three children and eight grandchildren but if I am absolutely honest I have always seen more of Tally. Where’s mum? – Oh she’s up at the paddocks!! But that led to other benefits where dogs, children, grandchildren came up to the paddocks, helped out with chores, fed the goats, and played with Freddie, Tally’s miniature Shetland companion. 

Then I lost my paddocks last March (access issues) and had two months to find somewhere else. I made a terrible mistake and ended up on a hellish, hole of a private yard - a farm. Just me, the woman and her husband, their horses and Tally and Freddie. They didn’t like people coming up so I was left with no help. My health was getting worse and last October I had to stop riding Tally as I couldn’t even lift the saddle onto his back. Despite this the owner insisted that I had to do full muck out each day and lift the rubber mats. 

Believe me I am no victim!! I am your usual feisty horse woman but pain was taking over and I couldn’t think straight. I was constantly worried about Tally and Freddie and had nightmares about their welfare. I am going to say little about the yard, the treatment of the people’s own horses, or mine. It doesn’t help. 

 At the end of January I knew that I had to find a retirement home for Tally and rehome Freddie. I have had Freddie for five years since he was two. He hadn’t even worn a headcollar until I got him. I have done ground work, harness training, saddle and bridle so the grandkids can ride. He is the sweetest most lovable, rascally little pony and deserves good treatment. Here’s a link to a video Freddie in 2021 when he was in training, sleek, slim, walking out beautifully. 

By Christmas 2023 Freddie had painful laminitis!! I had fought long and hard to prevent the woman from letting Freddie out on the too rich grass. I had thought that he would be on the large sparse yard with another Shetland. I even got my vet and farrier involved but to no avail. I was devastated and heartbroken. 

That night I had a dream – I was on the hellish yard, my horses were in distress and I suddenly noticed that that my arm was bleeding onto the yard. Pools of blood. That’s when I knew I had to get out, find a retirement home for Tally. He was the only sound horse on the yard by that time. I will write in another message about Freddie – a whole other story. Jenny made everything so smooth and easy moving Tally. Thank you Jenny so much. Then Tally was happy in his retirement home and for the first time in 23 years I stopped worrying about him. 

Some good news and real kindness in the midst of the horror. 

I moved the horses just in time. I knew that there was something was wrong with me, but our NHS system is under pressure at the moment. So as I was looked on as an active older woman and told to take the strong, painkillers and keep moving!! It’s bone cancer linked to breast cancer. I won’t write any more about that. 

Now onto more important matters – with apologies to those who may be religious. Dying makes life so very easy. The funeral is a no-brainer. Direct funeral, ashes buried by a post on top of the Downs, my pony pals and close family know where. Then Tally can join me later at his leisure. The spot on the Sussex Downs looks across the valley to the different villages where I, my family and friends live. Then there can even be a bit of ancestor worship when my family come to visit me to ask for advice 

Another important point about this place on the Downs; it is the best riding country. The gallops and fun that we have had up there. Wow!!! 

I am going to try to visit Tally next week. If you see the ‘about me’ you know I am a psychologist and have an abiding interest in animal and human behaviour. I have written a blog of my ponderings from 2009. I am not sure that Tally knows yet about me. He hasn’t stood close to me for a while. But I am sure that you would all agree that he would be able to sense the changes in my body if he did come close. 

So here is my plan. Tally is a stressy horse even at 28 years old so you can never be sure how exactly he will react. He is in a field with his new best friend Wally and they are fine together. So as long as he can stay near Wally he will be relaxed hopefully. My friend can put the headcollar on Tally and let him come close to me. I predict one of three behaviours: 1. Tally will get stressed anyway 2. Tally will react to me by squealing and striking out, you never know, it wouldn’t be personal but I know my horse 3. This is the one I am hoping for – Tally will put his head close to mine and know. We had such a long relationship but he is not an overly affectionate horse. I still know that he loves me. There have been times when we have been doing some horse whispering when he has made me feel so humble. 

On 22nd April I went toTally's retirement home to say goodbye to him. It was a magical experience. I was able to communicate with him and he understood. Can you see the way that he is licking at the end of the video? A sure sign that Tally is learning. Here's the video:

Saying Goodbye to Tally

The story about Freddie’s welfare is not as good. Physically I can do nothing. The woman went and got Freddie from where I had rehomed him. Freddie is now back on the yard where there are fields of lush grass. As any horse owner knows a native pony should not be turned out on rich grass. 

But this woman has turned Freddie out on lush grass before and I worry that she will do it again. I was hoping that I could get Freddie back and rehome him. But I don't have the strength or anywhere for Freddie to go. So all I can do is let people know that I am worried. If you have watched any of the training videos you will know that Freddie is a fabulous little pony and worth so much more. He deserves a better life - not to be left with a woman who seems to understand so little about pain and suffering.